The Story of Jason Snelders
Memoirs of the Nefarious

What's New & Happening

  • 23 Feb 2012 9:43 am

     

    That said, also don't judge me because I'm loud... it may just be misdirection.

  • 22 Feb 2012 11:54 am

    Here's a link to good (and short) article exemplifying the perils of location services in modern phones and computing. Worth thinking about: 

    It's 2012 and your kids have an iPhone - Do you know where they are? I do. - Scott Hanselman.

  • 21 Feb 2012 8:39 pm

     

     

  • 21 Feb 2012 11:07 am

    Does anyone know a good lawyer in Victoria, Australia who can offer advice about suing someone for financial restitution and causing emotional damage and stress.

    I'm considering options after someone laid criminal charges against me that were unjust and eventually dismissed. I plead guilty under legal advice to reduce the severity of the sentence, and the Magistrate dismissed the charges without penalty.

    I am seeking advice as to what options and course of action I can take against the person who laid the charges, in order to recover costs and have some restitution for the stress caused.

  • 20 Feb 2012 8:46 pm

    In 257 days I will publish a chapter of my story, 2 years later and almost 5 years in the making.

    Coming, 03 November 2012.



  • 20 Feb 2012 5:10 pm

    52 days.

    That's all I have to wait now until I again get to legally visit any public place I want in my own town... including one of my favourite cafes. It's about time.

  • 20 Feb 2012 3:52 pm

    Hmm... so, I'm still seeing a psychologist as a result of last year's stalking clusterfuck, it's still costing me money (even though it was supposed to be free) and the "topic"/reason for the whole bloody thing (the self-centered, narcissistic, cock sucking, backstabbing cunt I once thought so highly of) has not been discussed in months. Kinda makes me wonder why I'm still going?

    ... I'm thinking it's time I started having some fun with this. ;-)

  • 19 Feb 2012 10:52 pm

    I just sent this e-mail to "MYOB AU Customer Service <customer_service@myob.com.au>":

    Hello,

    I cannot install MYOB (the version from the file listed below) on my computer. An error comes up that tells me to reboot or contact support but gives no more information. I've tried 3 times and I don't want to waste my time with this (if I can't install it easily now, I know I'm going to have problems later). Can I please cancel my purchase and get a refund?

    Thanks,
    Jason

    It should be interesting to see what sort of a response I get.

     

    One of my Golden Rules of Software: If it doesn't install easily, you're going to be fucked when you start using it.

  • 19 Feb 2012 10:29 pm

    Jesus. Fucking. Wept!

    Has anyone ever thought about building accounting software that actually works (and I'm not even going to suggest it be, maybe, efficient)?!

    I can't even get MYOB installed without problems. God know how I'm going to find using the bloody thing if it ever runs.
    It's like a fucking dinosaur swamp monster that crawled out of the 1990's.

    I think I'm just going to use Excel for all my business accounting. At least it works.

    I seriously do not have the time or patience for dealing with this shit any more.

  • 19 Feb 2012 7:17 pm

    Faith.

    A book I'm reading gave me pause to think about "faith". I'm not a religious person by the common definition. I'm an atheist (I used to consider myself agnostic) and doubt that will ever change. But what I do have, I suspect more than most, is faith.

    I put my faith in people. You could also call it "loyalty" or "trust". When I have faith in a person it is without question and it is unwavering. It is absolute and strong. I'm not naive, though. I know it can be abused, I just hope it doesn't happen.

    Over the years I've placed my faith in a good few people. Most live up to it, some have tested it, a couple have damaged it, but only one person has ever managed to break it.

    Breaking a person's faith in another is one of the most destructive things to a person's psyche. The lengths a person has to go to to break my faith are staggering.

    It took me a over year to recover from that break. It was, without exaggeration, the hardest period of my life, and it still lingers some days.

    That's the problem with faith: it's a double-edged sword that can be so easily used to hurt you if you place it in the wrong person.

    When you place your faith in the right person, though - "wow!", it can really make you glow.

  • 17 Feb 2012 10:54 am

    A little Jason wisdom:


    Never let not knowing how to achieve your dreams stop you from diving in head first to try for them.


    If the rules get in the way of your goal, create your own.
    Do not let the world dictate what is important for 'you'.

    Those who 'truly' desire what they want will bend life to achieve their goals.
    They will make their own opportunities.
    They ignore those who say "cannot" and make proud those who believe they 'can'.
    They will not wait for the time to be right, they will 'make' the time now and call it right.

    Life is too short and goes too fast to wait for opportunity to present itself. Know what you want and strike out for it. Never, never wait.

    Let your heart and instinct guide your desires, your decisions and your determination - if you do that you will never go wrong.

  • 17 Feb 2012 10:42 am

    I wrote a personal diary entry today, in the form of a letter, to close a chapter of my life before I start a new one.

    I decided to publish it instead.

    Its called Letter of a Stalker.

  • 16 Feb 2012 1:34 pm

    This may be closet to the most "bummed" (down) I've been in my life... and that's even taking into consideration 2011, the worst year of my life.

    I'm sitting in a hotel in Los Angeles, killing time before a flight tomorrow night to take me home.

    My two week adventure in the United States (L.A., San Diego, Manhattan/New York City, Chicago and Muskegon, Michigan) is almost over and now I'm heading in the wrong direction, away - literally half a world away - from an incredible woman who has a great 'ol chunk of my heart.

    And that means is the next 6 months must see me create a minor miracle so I may first hit Thailand then return to the States. The game is now very much changed.

  • 16 Feb 2012 3:10 am

    The worst thing about being so happy with the person who captures your heart is having to leave them.

    My journey to return home half-way around the world is starting, and I'm not at all happy to leave.

  • 15 Feb 2012 5:53 am

    Do you know that old pop song from the 1950's, "I Left My Heart In San Francisco"...?

    Tomorrow I sadly must leave mine in Muskegon, as I start my return home.

    Last days on an incredible journey half way across the world to be with one of the most amazing women a man could know.

    And in the near future? America find itself with a new adopted son for a while... :-)

  • 13 Feb 2012 3:48 am

    Walking through Chicago at 2am in the middle of Winter? I don't think I've even been so insanely cold!

  • 11 Feb 2012 11:41 am

    I have discovered there is a good reason for calling Chicago "The Windy City". And not only is it windy, it can flip 180 degrees inside of a city block. But the best bit is walking out of the train station to be blasted in the face by what feels like shavings off an ice-block (then walking 7 blocks in the wrong direction, in which time your ears become so cold you think you've damaged them)!

    And you know what? I bloody love it! :-)

  • 10 Feb 2012 11:36 am

    You may need to wait a bit longer for more U.S. trip photos. I think my laptop just half-fried itself (thanks to the Godforsaken hotel I'm staying at) and I'm praying my hard-drive (which now has most of the photos) is not a write-off. Either way, it may be another week before I know.

  • 08 Feb 2012 2:12 pm

    I didn't feel like paying $60 for a "healthy" dinner in New York tonight. So I went to the local pharmacy and got the nearest thing I could find: a chicken wrap (we'll see in the morning if I survive it). I also found a Corona 24oz bottle and thought: "why not?"

    The strange thing: the beer cost about 30% less than the wrap.

  • 08 Feb 2012 1:18 pm

    I now have a (somewhat rough) photo gallery of my United States trip up and runnin site. It's a bit raw and the photos are only from my iPhone for now, but it's a good snapshot of what I've been seeing. 

    I'll update when I can and higher quality images to follow when I return home.

    Check it at: http://www.jsnelders.com/Travel/UnitedStates-Feb2012

  • 07 Feb 2012 12:52 pm

    It's 8:30pm in New York and I'm sitting in the middle of Times Square.

    This city is utterly incredible and BIG and bright and noisy and... just downright jaw-dropping amazing. I've only been here a couple of hours but I've already fallen in love with NY - cant wait to explore over the next 3 days.

    My only problem is I'm missing a special someone to share this part of my trip with.

  • 07 Feb 2012 1:41 am

    Sitting in San Diego airport waiting for my flight to New York City. She's only been gone on her own flight for 15 minutes, but I'm missing her heaps already. Now I know what that feeling is like... :-(

    I'll start posting a few photos of some gorgeous views over the next day.

  • 06 Feb 2012 3:37 am

    San Diego, California is one of the cleanest and most beautiful cities I've seen. And it's reputation for perfect year-round weather seems well deserved. I'm absolutely loving this city!

    Its also the perfect place to spend time with someone special... :-)

  • 02 Feb 2012 11:09 am

    'Ooroo Australia. G'Doi USA - can't wait ta see ya.

  • 01 Feb 2012 5:41 pm

    Here's something to go along with my last entry. Hopefully "the flip-side", though maybe not.

    In under 20 hours I get on a plan to fly half-way around the world for the single purpose of spending time with another friend. Another wonderful woman. Someone else that I adore and... let's just say I know what my instinct and heart is telling me - the next few weeks will reveal its own story.

    Does that sound a bit extreme? Maybe a bit... stalkerish? (My first thought was to actually just get on the plane and surprise her - prudence won though.)

    Yet that's the sort of person I am. If the head and the heart and the ability is there, nothing is out of the question.

    Yet half-way around the world for someone I care about - be they just a friend or for "something more" - feels like nothing because it's just a plane trip away and easily achievable. If you told me that same person was stuck on the moon, now that would be a challenge - and one I would dedicate every last moment, cent and breath to achieving.

    But then, I suppose obsession does make the stalker...

  • 01 Feb 2012 4:48 pm

    Here's the thing about having someone accuse you of a crime then having it dismissed by a Magistrate/judge in court of law (at least, in Victoria):

    It still stays on your file for life.

    That means a person can make a claim against you to the police - rightly or wrongly - and if it proceeds through "the system" the claim, even if it turns out to be false, incorrect or unworthy, it will remain as a note on your file for the rest of your life.

    Now think about what happens the next time you get pulled over in your car?

    For me, a cop may look at my car rego, search the database and there in my file will be a little note relating to a charge of "stalking". It doesn't matter that I didn't actually do anything wrong. It doesn't matter that the judge dismissed it (threw it out) in court - there is a stigma of sorts that stays with you for life.
    So, the cop that pulls me over, he may decide that I'm worth being harder on than the next man (hey, it was a hard day and he's in a bad mood) just because he saw one little note that mention "stalking". And let's not kid ourselves - that is how people are, even the police, and it does happen.

    I have no problem in telling any person who cares to listen about the time my once close and adored friend decided to have me charged with stalking because she didn't want to listen to me grovel and apologise... then took offense at me when finally, with the same fortitude it took to tell her I love her, I later expressed angry at her treatment of me.

    I'm sorry I ever told a friend I loved them (which for almost 3 years I truly did). I'm sorry I criticised them for doing things that I finally figured out were hurting me (and if they'd given me a moment and paid any attention to me, I would have quickly put behind me). And I'm sorry things got to the point at the end where I told them they were unreliable and disgusting (not the exact words, but that was the gist of it).
    Truth be told, I spent a long time after that (even with a court case pending) still caring and worrying about them.

    I have no regrets though. I sleep well at night knowing I not only did not do the wrong thing, I did everything in my power to do what I thought was right.

    And now? I have no issue or hesitation in telling people my story, because even if my "criminal record" isn't "public" (which is not to say, "not accessible"), I still know what happened and now have to spend the rest of my life holding my position and protecting myself "just in case".

    I now have to live with a file marked "The Criminal Record of Jason Snelders" and a note that says in 2011 a woman decided he should be charged with stalking.

    That is the true cost of love and caring about someone.

  • 01 Feb 2012 10:46 am

    A bloke I know said to me today, with regard to tax returns: "You don't want to do anything wrong, you might be the next Bill Gates. It may not seem much, but even a bad $2 could be used against you later."
    To which I replied: "That's nothing, I was charged with stalking last year by an ex-best friend."
    (The case was later dismissed and a final apology to the world openly made.)

    Now here's the interesting thing he told me (and it came from a reliable source):

    60-70% of sexual assault victims (in Victoria) are false cases, and around 90% of cases are made by ex-partners.

    That's similar to some of the stats I read for stalking cases.

    There are real victims out there - of abuse, assault and stalking - both men and women, and I hope the people who hurt them get what they deserve.
    However, the false victims who use the law for their own gain (even if they do think they are justified) are ultimately going to hurt the cases of those real victims more than the people they're getting back at - and that disgusts me just as much.

  • 31 Jan 2012 8:54 pm

    Check this out for some pretty incredible moves. Best if you watch it in full screen.

    Break ton Neck from Alex Yde on Vimeo.

  • 31 Jan 2012 3:50 pm

    The now usual daily walk, 4-5 days each week (and half that for the other days).

    Check out the 13.60 km walk I did with RunKeeper

    Duration 2:10:57 | Calories Burned 1135

    Average Pace 9:38 / km | Average Speed 6.23 km/h | Elevation Climb 132 m

  • 30 Jan 2012 4:04 pm

    This is in the Herald Sun today. What first got me, before I even read the paper's caption, was how small the guide dogs must be if they can be carried. Obviously not the Labradors we see in Australia.

    (Click the image for full size.)

    Guide dogs must be carried

  • 30 Jan 2012 3:52 pm

    "Ha-ha. G'Day!" :-D


    Just had a PRC exchange with someone today. That takes me waaaaaaay back. Oh yeah, way too far (and before this usually came "Monkey Magic", "Banana Man" or "Roger Ramjet").

    (And when I think about it, he could be the original representative of the ":-D" emoticon.)

     

  • 29 Jan 2012 11:59 pm

    All quiet on the writing front here at the moment as I'm insanely busy trying to plan my business start-up and finish developing some of the critical components of the software that everything will be running off. Hence, I'm still at it at midnight at the end of a Sunday.

    In the coming month many of my old articles that have been left unpublished with be categorised and re-released. photo galleries will be added (some of my very amateur photography) and writing will slowly start again.

    Last year I wrote over 400 articles - and that was while dealing with the darkest and hardest year of my life. I may not achieve that quantity again this year but I expect to provide much higher quality material (and some very useful information).

  • 28 Jan 2012 9:48 pm

    There's truly no better feeling than the anticipation and excitement in knowing you're going to see someone special and wonderful so veeeery soon.

  • 27 Jan 2012 11:46 pm

    Just six and a half days now until I get to hold a pretty special person all the way on the other side of the world. As she said, "crazy and exciting"!

  • 27 Jan 2012 10:41 am

    I'm going to be broke in 2 months. No financial wealth to my name, at all. And believe it or not it's actually all part of the plan.

    There's no greater incentive to succeed at building a business than to know you have everything to lose.

  • 26 Jan 2012 8:19 am

    "Cobba, Digger, Chum, Pal, Buddy, Sport, Mate, China plate"!

    Friends all over: Happy Australia Day!

  • 25 Jan 2012 7:07 pm

    My old Wordpress blog (jsnelders.wordpress.com) is now deleted forever!

  • 25 Jan 2012 12:57 pm

    Mid last year, when I hit the absolute lowest point in my life, I had my first brush with feelings of suicide. It was a shock because it was something I had never even remotely considered previously - it was "not me".

    Since then those feelings have been recurring with increasing frequency. I am now at a point where "ending my life" seems a viable option when considering possibilities and contingencies.
    I have accepted I will spend the rest of my life dealing with and fighting those feelings.

    And today... has been a particularly bad.

  • 25 Jan 2012 8:00 am

    Writing a memoir is hard when your best material could get you thrown into jail.

  • 25 Jan 2012

    Time to finally cave in and accept reality. I'm never going to get that sub-10% stomach and sides I've wanted - just "once" in my life - without having to resort to insane amounts of exercise, less time in front of the computer (working) and cutting every last one of my few remaining "vice" foods/drinks and starving myself every day for 4 weeks.
    What I have will just have to be good enough.

    Now, where did I put those Tim Tams...?

  • 23 Jan 2012 5:45 pm

    Hot damn, it's good to be alive!

    Beautiful St. Kilda and Melbourne on a gorgeous Summer's day.

    This is my "back" yard...

    The front yard

    And this is the "front" yard...

    The back yard

  • 20 Jan 2012 10:00 pm

    It no longer surprises me that people commit suicide, now that I understand the underlying pattern of thoughts and feelings, and the people, events and circumstances that cause them. 

    Some days - no matter how good eveything else seems - even I think death might be a welcome relief from the thoughts that continue to haunt me.

  • 20 Jan 2012 1:00 pm

    Now I get to discover what it's like to live as a poor uni student or a backpacker. Starting to scrape the bottom of the savings barrel.

  • 19 Jan 2012 11:30 pm

    Incredible. Almost 2 days on and I'm still slightly ruffled and emotionally bummed by the dream 2 nights ago. 

  • 18 Jan 2012 11:30 am

    A dream that has rattled me so hard I can't concentrate on work today.
    That's what September 2010 to the end of November 2011 (for the entire time) was like for me... only much, much worse.

  • 18 Jan 2012 8:15 am

    The great sadness in my last point is that I now know someone else very special, who is worth a thousand of the one I lost. My "ghost" wins - and will continue to win - as I allow myself to remember and be affected by someone who's last, greatest and only considered act toward me was that of "cruelty".

  • 18 Jan 2012 7:30 am

    I had a dream last night, vivid enough to remember after I awoke, something that has not happened in a very long time.
    I saw people I used to work with. Travelled through places I haven't visited for some time. 
    I was reconnecting with my past. 
    The strongest connection was to again see one of my once closest friends. The feelings that were drawn in seeing her again - even if only in a dream - where were strong enough to stay with me into waking: the love I once felt, the joy in just spending time with her, the admiration, the caring and concern...
    But also overshadowed by a now pervading sense of loss, and the fear - always - that some day she'll hurt me again just for kicks. 
    Greatest though, was the underlying sense of missing peace - something I have now resigned myself to always feeling after losing someone who meant so much.
    It is truly like having a ghost that always haunts at the back of your mind.

    There are nights when I hate to sleep. 

  • 17 Jan 2012

    Nothing I love more than agreeing to meet someone to do them a favour, only to have them make you wait an hour (and counting). I'm starting to think I'm a sucker for people to abuse my good nature.

  • 16 Jan 2012 12:00 pm

    18 days to wait! And I thought waiting to have my court case heard was hard enough.

  • 16 Jan 2012 10:00 am

    I've come to realise that the current state of online publishing - particularly blogging - is, to put is bluntly, "shit", especially when it comes to presentation and aesthetics. It is time for a revolution, I do believe.

  • 14 Jan 2012 8:00 pm

    I have started reviewing and re-releasing my old blog (jsnelders.wordpress.com) articles. Currently only available under the mail Articles page at the moment.

  • 14 Jan 2012

    Just realised the date... I guess that marks another year gone.

    31 years I've been playing this gig. I'm aiming for at least another 70-80. Minimum!

  • 13 Jan 2012 1:50 pm

    Just a general warning to all. Today I received a fake email supposedly from the Commonwealth Bank with the subject 'Your Account Opening is completed'. It's a scam. 
    What makes this stand out is it is new enough that it slipped through GMail's spam filter.
    See more details at Fake email - Commonwealth Bank 'Your Account Opening is completed'.

  • 13 Jan 2012

    I'm sitting in Melbourne, Australia, dreaming of the United States (and someone I will be seeing) and thinking the next 3 weeks is going to be ultimate test of my patience.

  • 13 Jan 2012

    Apart from my own miserable experience of having a law [improperly] used against me, this is another example of why I have no respect for the so-called "justice" system.
    Kind of Screwed, by Andy Baio.

  • 11 Jan 2012 8:00 pm

    When will the major entertainment labels (in any arena - publishing/music/movies/whatever) realise that as soon as one person in the world knows about a release, everyone knows about it and wants it too?

    You only piss the fans off and entice piracy by doing delayed releases around the world. 

  • 11 Jan 2012

    A 4 year anniversary today. Friday, 11th January 2008 was the day my life started to change.

  • 10 Jan 2012 10:00 pm

    I wish I was a better man. 
    In all honesty, I've got more flaws than the Burj Khalifa but I do hope that some day, at least for a time, I have just enough that're right to suffice.
    I do have grand hopes, though. Not for me - for someone I know can achieve things beyond imagining.
    That's all I need.

  • 10 Jan 2012 9:00 pm

    New article: Carry a big stick.

  • 10 Jan 2012 5:00 pm

    He shoots and sores! My God, the boy is *goooood*!

    (The crowd looks around in bewilderment because they have no idea what just happened.)

    Another successful major "seat-of-your-pants-with-absolute-confidence" software update. And yes, I am quite literally creating a WordPress replacements (with a few inspirations from Facebook, if you can believe it).

    Next: Migrate over 700 articles from Wordpress. Meh! Piece of cake!

  • 10 Jan 2012

    If you were a betting person or wanted somewhere to invest your money... you'd invest it in me! Hot damn I'm good ;-)

  • 09 Jan 2012

    Three steps forward, two steps back. I just spent the day doing development that overrode almost everything I did yesterday (hopefully for the better). Old articles should start becoming available in the next couple of days and photo galleries to follow.

  • 08 Jan 2012

    More than 16 months later, I still find myself fighting and struggling against a deep hurt inflicted by a once best friend. 
    Fucking torture of the mind because one person could not find it within themselves to say a few words.

  • 06 Jan 2012

    Flights for my next trip to the United States (2nd - 16th February) to visit a very special friend are booked. Another new adventure, and this one happening so fast my head is spinning from the rush.

  • 05 Jan 2012

    Switched to the "new look" site. All content and pages now driven from my most awesome new softwares!

  • 03 Jan 2012

    Wrote a brief year in review of 2011.

  • 02 Jan 2012

    This site is currently undergoing extensive re-work and over the coming 2 weeks will be progressively updated to include all personal articles (i.e. a "blog"), photo galleries, updates and more.

    All articles in my existing blog at jsnelders.wordpress.com have been removed from that site and will be displayed here in time.

  • 06 Dec 2011

    6 December 2011:

    • "The Bride Stipped Bare": A spectacular and revealing read for both men and women alike. I saw my own self, and life, reflected so much throughout it - despairingly so. A must read for woman and man alike.

    5 December 2011:

    • The problem with humanity is that we try to be more than the basic animals we really are.
    • "The Bride Stripped Bare", Lessons 58 and 59. A sudden strike, quite close to home. A mirror, cracked, but still a reflection. And again I feel the fool.
    • "The Bride Stripped Bare", Lesson 53. It is... delightfully depressing, if that is even possible. And making me feel like shit, yet charged and alive.

    5 December 2011:

    • The dilemma of the man who will not lie, is to put on a face that presents to the world not what he is feeling. It is the face I must now wear.
    • I pray I find what I need in India.
      And I am not a praying man.

    5 December 2011:

    • 4 months - that's what I'm giving myself to find a purpose and maybe a little desire in life. Otherwise...
    • Oh, and two an a half days now until I set off for a bit of "rape and pillage" (i.e. holidays). Though, seriously, when did 3:40am become a time of day when you schedule a flight to depart?!
    • Irony: The police will fine a cyclist for riding not much faster than walking speed on a bike path if they don't have a helmet, yet the same system which enforces that also gives licenses to taxi drivers.
      Now, you tell me which is worse for your health?

    4 December 2011:

    • It's an odd feeling to search yourself and ask the question, "what value do I bring to the world", only to realise the answer is: none.
    • Broken, for sure, yet without reason.
    • Reading "The Bride Stripped Bare". Intriguing... and scary to again be confronted with the expectations and unspoken desires of women. Perhaps not the best for a man's sanity.

    3 December 2011:

    • I don't really know if I want to live in this world.

    3 December 2011:

    • I've gone through the posts for this year and hidden all relating to certain events of the last 12 months.
    2 December 2011:
    • Shocked at what I see in my own eyes as I look in the mirror.
      A sadness drawn from.... nowhere.

    2 December 2011:

    • "It's like being trapped in your own head, sick of hearing your own thoughts and tearing at the inside of your skull, trying to escape". That's how I would describe the feeling.
    • Another way of saying it is, "it feels like you're in life's gutter and you know you're not worth a damn".
    • ... it doesn't help that feeling when someone tries to run you down as you cross the road (literally).

    4 December 2011:

    • It's an odd feeling to search yourself and ask the question, "what value do I bring to the world", only to realise the answer is: none.
    • Broken, for sure, yet without reason.
    • Reading "The Bride Stripped Bare". Intriguing... and scary to again be confronted with the expectations and unspoken desires of women. Perhaps not the best for a man's sanity.

    3 December 2011:

    • I don't really know if I want to live in this world.

    3 December 2011:

    • I've gone through the posts for this year and hidden all relating to certain events of the last 12 months.
    2 December 2011:
    • Shocked at what I see in my own eyes as I look in the mirror.
      A sadness drawn from.... nowhere.

    2 December 2011:

    • "It's like being trapped in your own head, sick of hearing your own thoughts and tearing at the inside of your skull, trying to escape". That's how I would describe the feeling.
    • Another way of saying it is, "it feels like you're in life's gutter and you know you're not worth a damn".
    • ... it doesn't help that feeling when someone tries to run you down as you cross the road (literally).

    2 December 2011:

    • Two hours... is more than enough work for one day I think.
    • I do believe I said something yesterday about "pure awesomeness"... yep, it still stands.

    1 December 2011:

    • Fuck "Cloud 9"! I'm on Cloud 26. Not only am I as happy as a pig in shit, I'm back to thinking up new ideas at a mile a minute. My mind hasn't been this focused in a long time. Once again, all I need is a bloody cloning machine to get it all happening.

    1 December 2011:

    • Just bought a pack of Cottonelle Kleenex Flushable Fresh Wipes.Why am I sharing this, you may ask?One word: India.Need another word? How about: Curry.I can give you another pair of words too if that's not enough: the first looks like "r---" and the second word is "burn".Oh yeah, now who's thinking ahead...?!(... and I just thought of a new business venture from that :-)

    1 December 2011:

    • Pure awesomeness! That would be me.

    1 December 2011:

    • I just got my final legal bill and did some calculations on what this whole stalking fiasco has cost me:
      Total legal costs to plead guilty: $3,600.
      Counselling costs after rebates: approx. $400.
      Value of lost working days: $3,500 (14 x half days).Total: $7,500(I hate to think what pleading innocent might have cost.)That's what it cost "financially" because I cared about someone.
      Heart-break and loss of trust: Priceless.Now image if we could enter friendships with the knowledge of that sort of outcome... the world might be a different place and a lot of time and effort would be saved from being wasted.
    • And the 3 suggestions so far for what I could have done with that $7,500...
      1. A whoooooole lot of computer equipment (with change left over).
      2. A decent hooker for a weekend.
      3. (My favourite) A holiday to visit a good friend in North America.

    30 November 2011:

    • Finally! I got through a component I've been churning on for 3 weeks and another step closer to software release.
      And my backside hurts like Hell for it (please, don't ask).

    29 November 2011:

    • Sorry about the posts being light-on the last few days. I have a new post about this coming later (or tomorrow) and... a long overdue final apology.
    • To those friends I think I have lost this year: sorry.
      It was never part of the plan. One loss was more than I ever thought I would experience... the rest were my fault.

    29 November 2011:

    • I wonder what it is like to feel wanted by someone?

    28 November 2011:

    • 10:30pm: Well... it looks like I'm not getting my Pilates book back (I wonder if I can claim theft for that?).
    • 10:50pm: *sigh* It may be all over but it still cuts deep. I think I'm going to be haunted by the loss for a while to come.

    28 November 2011:

    • Back to civilisation. Back to reality. Back to trying to do some work....
    • I have to admit, it feels like a strange sort of anti-climax with my court case now over and life getting back to normal. Though I was never stressed it does feel like a palpable weight has been lifted. And it still feels like I've been put through a Hell of shit-storm only to have it confirmed there never really was a problem in the first place. It's a crazy world.

    26 November 2011:

    • Wow, so tired. I don't think I realised just how much the last two weeks of waiting took it out of me. A few days to recharge the batteries with my folks then all systems go to get this software ready for use and then... India!

    25 November 2011

    • Merry Christmas everyone!!!.... oh wait, sorry, got a bit ahead of myself there.
    • ROFL! Simon's Cat (http://www.simonscat.com/) for the cat lovers.

    24 November 2011:

    • I saw [what's left of] the Moody Blues play live at the Palais Theatre last night. They were waaaaay before my time but I still grew up listening to them. As ever, "Nights in White Satin" was my favourite - and after the events of the day it... struck a sad chord for me.
    • Oh, I had to update my about page to reflect recent changes.
    • And with that, all I have to say is... guilty!

    23 November 2011:

    • 11:35pm: Court is done. More tomorrow. Very sad it all came to this.
    • D-Day...

    22 November 2011:

    • Oh, and the outcome of 6 months of counselling and "talking to people": most people are not worth talking to (to stupid, ignorant or self-centred), most advice is selfish and people expect you to be like them (usually at a pretty low standard), and if you're even half-way smart you realise there is a lot of blinkered ignorance in the world and fighting it sucks the life out of you.

    22 November 2011:

    • I'm not sure what's scarier (regardless of the outcome): being rock bottom, emotionally destroy and having your thoughts and feeling creep toward suicide? Or to be of a very rational mind (I hope) and pose it to yourself to weight up and consider?
    • You can use all the clever sayings, phrases and ways of looking at life that you want. But at the end of the day, what you feel deep inside cannot be masked - hurt still hurts, regardless of what the potential the future holds.
    • "Feel like shit" doesn't nearly describe how I'm feeling right now. "I don't really want to wake up to tomorrow" is more like it.

    22 November 2011:

    • 4:30pm: By this time tomorrow it should all be over, I hope.. I really do.
    • Five frogs are sitting on a log, 4 decide to jump off. How many are left? Answer: 5. Why? Because deciding & doing are not the same thing. (https://twitter.com/#!/Quotes4Writers/status/138609480958099456)
    • I think I understand even better now what drives happy, sane, smart people to suicide...

    21 November 2011:

    • 2 days to go. I hope to whatever deity is out there that, after that, I can get back to living again and maybe even "move on". So damn tired of remembering and hold on, on my own, every day. So damn tired of missing 'em.
    • It's strange. I'm not sorry for being critical. I'm not sorry for having tried to apologise. I'm not sorry for calling them out for their actions (even though it hurt me to do so). And I'm not sorry for getting angry, because I think I damn well earnt that right.
      But man, that doesn't mean I don't still feel like shit every day for it.

    21 November 2011:

    • And "Wow", talk about realising what "chemistry" is today. I went back to same store as a couple of weeks ago to buy more clothes and was served by the same girl. Left half-and-hour later with the same physical sensation as last time. And then it occurred to me, no wonder I was feeling something: I'm "looking" ("desperately wanting" more like it) and she's 5 weeks into a new relationship that, she tells me, is just entering the "love" stage. There sure was a lot of mixed "heat" in that store this morning. :-)
    • Holy Shit! I just realised I've only got 2 and a half weeks until I leave the country. Where the Hell did the last 6 weeks go?
    • A sad contrast: someone I was close to for 3 years thinks I'm bad enough to lay criminal charges against me; a stranger I just met on the tram and only knew me for 5 minutes says "you seem like a good person, I can feel that about you".
      It's a crazy life.

    20 November 2011:

    • Success... is achieved by building software at 11pm on a Sunday night when most other people are probably watching TV. Success is only achieved through "work".
    • 3 days to go... and the bad vibes are kicking up.

    20 November 2011:

    • Why do we have those days when "flat" is our best and the joy the seems to come so freely is like blood in a stone?
    • I'll say this: the police are persistent, even on a Sunday. Nothing like "guilty until proven innocent"... no, wait, that's not going to happen.

    19 November 2011:

    • Tourists! They're definitely better. :-)
    • St. Kilda in summer. I don't know what's better (or worse) - the hookers screaming at 2am outside my flat or the new influx of British/Irish/whatever backpackers for the season singing at the top of their voice.
      Whatever, I wouldn't have it any other way.
    • Oh, this is ridiculous! I've had an origami book sitting on my desk for, what, two months now waiting for me to do a "one new thing" with it and I still haven't gotten to it. I'm starting to think this is a fail of epic proportions, especially given I look at it just about every day and tell myself, "today".

    19 November 2011:

    • I'm on a quest: sub-10% body fat and I want to see my abs, even if only once in this lifetime.
    • Why would you record and publish to DVD a live comedy routing that has swearing (and by that I mean "piss" and "balls" now seem to unacceptable) and then *bleep* out the swear words. If you don't like the swearing, don't watch the fucking show.

    18 November 2011:

    • I sent and e-mail to my Real Estate agent the other day with 2 parts: 1) explaining why I paid a double rent; 2) Asking for her to organise a tradesman because my electric hot-plates are stuffed.
      She replies today with a "thank you".
      It's a lesson I learnt years ago in sending e-mails to business people, but obviously having more than one concept/idea/point in an e-mail is still too much for people to wrap their mind around.
      How about reading the "whole" message, not just the first line?
      Fucking useless!
    • Why yes, I am a genius thank you. That doesn't mean I don't make the occasional rookie mistake though.
    • ‎"Aussies are the world's wealthiest people $221,704 median...4 times that of the US. There's 192k millionaires in Australia. We are the 1%." via Scott Pape
      https://twitter.com/#!/scottpape/status/137332961208045569
    • 12pm: Two years after I put this note in my calendar - "Am I my own boss yet? Doing what I want, when I want, how I want?" - I can say: "Why yes. Yes I am". In fact, it only took me 18 months.My next note may need to mention something about a yacht parked at Monaco.Here's cheers to a good life (and yes, I am enjoying a beer at the moment). :-)
    • A Kodak moment: standing beside a bloke at the traffic lights, I look around and... saw him quite happily digging a finger deep into one of his nostrils.
      Breakfast, maybe?

    17 November 2011:

    • 10:20pm: Bugger! I just wrote a nice letter that I can't send until after 11 April next year. It's going to be a long wait to tell some I haven't given up on them.

    17 November 2011:

    • 9:34pm:
      There are days when I envy women for their fashion and ability to style.
      And today I wish it was winter again.
      Check this out: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5LYAEz777AU (25 Ways to Wear a Scarf in 4.5 Minutes!).
    • 8pm: That may have been the quickest grief cycle yet. Good or bad for it to be so fast? I'm not sure. But the ending was unexpected... it turns out I really do still care, and that's fine by me. :-)
      So here's me holding the middle-finger up to all the weak and selfish people who told me I should just "forget", "move one" and "walk away". You may do that, but not me. Guess what? Having a little love and compassion in your heart is actually better. Now go bury your collective heads back in the sand!

    17 November 2011:

    • 6pm: It's strange - I have this bad feeling the verdict of my case next week is going to be bad (i.e. a conviction) and yet I feel calm about it. Or am I just resigned to fate and want to get this mess out of the way, whatever the outcome?
    • 5pm: I haven't felt like killing myself today, so I guess that's a bonus.
    • ... And I'm getting a great tan too. Walking for an hour and a half from home to the CBD in the blazing sun most days is doing me the world of good.
    • ... Oh, and I'm convinced I'm a bloody "God"-like software developer. Yeah, that damn good. Doing some awesome work at the moment. Nearing the point where I can start using the software I'm building in my own sites.
    • ... Plus, I've settled on my first money-earning venture to launch: a lifestyle design/productivity website. Cheap, subscription-based service with lots of quality, practical and "real" content. Keep your eyes peeled, it should be ready in mid- to late-January 2012 if all goes well.

    16 November 2011:

    • Some absolutely stunning photography: http://www.theatlantic.com/infocus/2011/11/national-geographic-photo-contest-2011/100187/
    • Some day I'd like to find myself standing in a place of westernised culture and think that I look fat compared to everyone else.
    • One week to go. This waiting is starting to tear me to pieces... again. A word of advice to everyone: do all you can to keep out of the "so called" justice system - it'll suck the life out of you if you're not strong enough.
    • Have you ever had those days where you just can't be bothered with living? Hmm....
    • I wonder how much more I would have had to do to earn the respect to have been at least allowed a "goodbye"?
    • It looks like that time has finally come. Finances have been reviewed and it's time to start buckling up, spending less and look to earning an income again. It's been a fun time though and best decision of my life.

    15 November 2011:

    • 11pm: Suck on that Microsoft! Just learnt to use jQuery AJAX from scratch in under 40 minutes, as an afterthought and at the wrong end of the day. Pure simplicity and elegance without a complicated learning curve. Even figuring out the bits that didn't work was easy and all I needed was a couple of samples off the web to modify. Why can't Microsoft do stuff that easily?
      jQuery... if you were a woman I'd do you right now! You elegant, uncomplicated, sexy beast :-P

    14 November 2011:

    • There are days I wish people could feel good Karma from afar, because I'm sending a lot out to a few people right now (as I seem to do most days).
    • It's always wonderful to have an audience, even if it is the Victorian Police. Not sure I like having to look over my shoulder all the time but that's not their fault.
    • I never realised how many people there are in the world who ignore their friends. You know, the types who are always there... util they have a new love interest and then you can barely get a hello out of them, or the people who pop in and out of your life but only on their terms.
      I've known a few like that.
      They're not friends. They're users. And they better not expect me to be around the next time they come knocking - I'm done with that crap.

    13 November 2011:

    • I really, really, REALLY wish someone at Microsoft would grow a fucking brain and consider helping to make developer's lives a little easier, not more complicated. One step forward, three fucking steps back. I'm almost tempted to take up PHP... :-(
    • I don't recommend getting a Hepatitis A boost/Typhoid combo immunisation at the same time as you're fighting someone else's cold. Every bit of the body aches and I feel like the living death today.

    12 November 2011

    • And how's this for a double-slap from me to my own face: I have 5... no, 6 people in my life who have stuck by me over the last year (and some a few years before) through thick and thin and are the most amazing and kind people. And here I am going on about still loving someone who would rather see me rot.
      Now I just feel ashamed for being a jerk.
    • It's funny how life turns out: I'm actually trying hard to hate someone and I just can't do it. I don't think I know how to.
      It's kinda ironic: I'm probably going to die remembering someone I should hate but still love, and they're going to hate the someone who will always love them.
    • Between someone else's cold that I'm fighting off and the my whole body aching from the vaccination yesterday, I can only say that today I feel like utter crap.

    11 November 2011:

    • 4 hours on, my arm is still attached and I'm still alive after the vaccination.
      Woohoo India, here we come!

    10 November 2011:

    • It just occurred to me, in the last 12 months I have not been allowed one ounce of control or consolation in a two-sided situation. Not once. In fact, when I think about it, the only way I see I will be able to regain any dignity/control/be heard/take a stand will be to ask for a higher punishment than will be handed down. I wonder if I'm prepared to do that? It's amazing what a person will even consider to protect their honour and integrity, or recover their dignity and respect.
    • I really am not looking forward to the next few weeks, not if they continue at this rate.

    10 November 2011:

    • I seriously did not need to go through this hurting melancholy heartbreak bullshit again. At least the anger was short lived.
      And if I'm especially lucky, I get to go through it all over again in another two weeks *leaking sarcasm*.
    • Wow. I can't believe I've had to hide so many posts recently - and some of my better works too. Damn. :(

    10 November 2011:

    • Oh, fucking wonderful - melancholy and upset anger again. I never did like this part of the cycle.
    • So today I end up wondering, again, why the Hell I can't just let go? After all the hurt, why do I still care? What was it that I saw and what happened that won't allow me to just forget? The one person in this world that I should care about the least is the one I worry for the most.

    09 November 2011:

    • Shit! I really am re-living the cycle again. Now I'm at the stage of remembering just how much I cared and my what I considered my greatest failure. And wondering if I'm the only one that ever saw they need support more than anything.
      I just pray I don't hit the anger phase again.

    09 November 2011:

    • As much as I spoke to affect in my last point... I can't help but still want to try supporting and giving more. Why? Because they, more than anyone, need it. And I sometimes wonder if I'm the only one who sees it. That, perhaps, is what makes my heart sink the most.

    09 November 2011:

    • The worst thing is to get to get through it all and past the end, only to one day have it dawn on you that nothing you did, regardless of how you tried and no matter how little it may have been, actually ever meat a damn to them. Salt in the wounds.

    09 November 2011:

    • Doh! Too much fat on the bones again. Looks like it's time to up the amount of exercise.
    • Wow. I had such an emotion "whack!" this week that I got the beginnings of my first pimple in about 5 months. The remedy: drown myself in work and forget all about it.
    • The bonus to my last point: I've done so much work today I'm possibly only a few days away from first field-tests of my new software.

    08 November 2011:

    • It's been so long, I'd forgotten what it felt like to sigh.
    • 4 words. Small. Seemingly innocuous. They can change the picture a lot.
      "How's your missus doing?".
      It answers questions and very subtly changes how you can view (and possibly interact) with someone.
      4 little words, overheard, worth so much more than the sum of their intent.

    07 November 2011:

    • 6:30pm: I woke up this morning fully resigned to the possibility I may end the day a convicted criminal (though hoping sense and the truth will prevail), accused of a crime everyone continues to tell me is "serious", yet still feeling OK.
      Instead I'm left hanging and end up the most dejected I've been in months. 15 minutes dredging up some of the most painful feelings and memories of my life (and I had no idea how much they still hurt) only to have to wait another 2 weeks to continue the hearing and  to be able to hide them away again.
      Is this the start of payback for being an ignorant fool and asshole?
    • 5pm: I think this is the day when I say: I'm defeated and give up. The fight and the potential outcomes just aren't worth the pain. Too long for too little. You win.
    • 12:53pm: Hehehe... :) Of course it was going to happen: postponed. Of course, whatever the outcome: I lose and they win.
      Life's a bitch and then you die.

    05 November 2011:

    • Wow! That must be a first. I completely missed an anniversary date on the 3rd November - first death of a friendship and one of the most devastating days in my life. Have I finally dealt with it?

    03 November 2011:

    • Today I am angry and tired and... just want to end it all.

    02 November 2011:

    • I've come across this quote a few times now:
      "Don't annoy the writer. They may put you in a book and kill you."And that's exactly what I'm going to do! Seeing as I can't tell my story in life, I'll put it into fiction.If life is going to hand me lemons then I'm damn well doing to make some sweet lemonade from them.

    31 October 2011:

    • 3pm: This time next Monday I hope to be sitting in exactly the same spot I am now, celebrating the end of one Hell of a FUBAR clusterfuck and the conclusion of the worst betrayal I ever hope to experience. For better or worse, the punishment will be nothing compared to what I have inflicted upon myself and now I just want this bullshit to be over.
      What am I talking about? Unfortunately, I'm "legally" reluctant to speak of it... for now ;-)
    • 2:16pm:
      For all the pricks, assholes, cunts, users, abusers, ignorant gits, half-wits, tossers, greasies, sucks, fuckwits, slimebags, despots, and cocksuckers in the world, I am reminded every day by the same small few just how fantastic it is to be alive, and that there are some people who struggle tirelessly to improve their own lives and the lives of those around them. For however long or short a time I have known you, thank you for your influence my true friends.
    • 2:15pm: Ironically, as someone who increasingly promotes productivity and overcoming resistance, I have for the second year running left my tax return until almost literally the 11th hour. I'm not sure if that's a statement about me or testament to just how bloody horrible tax is. Next year I use an accountant.

    29 October 2011:

    • An important post is being stitched together. If all goes to plan, it should be presented on 07 November, Nervous and excited about that date. Hopefully my life isn't fucked up from it.

    28 October 2011:

    • 3:30pm: 3 days of feeling a strange simultaneous mix of elation and being completely flat (topped with inexplicable high emotion). I can't get any software development done when I'm in this state. I think it's probably the thoughts and emotions resurfacing as I head toward my day in court and finally get to end what I can only describe as a "complete FUBAR clusterfuck of the last 13 months". I'll be glad when it's past and I can stop thinking about the untrustworthy, self-centred, cunt of an ex- and once loved friend.
      On the bright side, I have my writing rhythm back again today and am creating some good draft work.

    26 October 2011

    • One of those "lost" and "lacking" days when I desperately want to work but I just don't have the juice to do it or spark to get started. A rare day now where the past weighs heavily and sadly - perhaps it's the realisation I'm so close now to the day when I finally get to put the last 4 years behind me.

    24 October 2011:

    • 10pm: I am lucky to have the most amazing cousin. I just got to spend a weekend with her and once again she left me changed and feeling great.
    • 10pm: Hopefully, in two weeks today, I get to make a plea in court and put an end to a shitty period and bad decision in my life.

    22 October 2011:

    • 21st Century Financial Education Summit. What a joke! Swap "summit" for "trade show" then call it what it really is: Snake Oil salesmen flogging their product under a thin veil of respectability and motivation. Such a shame Richard Branson and Tim Ferriss got caught up in it. Made for some great Twitter entertainment though.

    18 October 2011:

    • Oh, look at that! The Victorian Police decided to have a look at my blog today. It's it great to have that kind of reach. ;-)
    • 1pm: A most excellent day! Beautiful weather in Melbourne, got a heap of stuff sorted this morning, most of my documents are now electronic, I stumbled across my all-time favourite greeting card that I've spent the last 6 months searching for (a post with that later), went for a nice walk, figured out how to easily migrate most of my blog to my own web site, and right-now sitting in a cafe in St. Kilda enjoying a beer and doing a bit of work.

    14 October 2011:

    • Realised yesterday that "love once felt, never dies".
    • 1.5 hour walk into the city followed by 1 hour mad cycle along the beach, in direct, blazing sun =... heat stroke I think. So bad I wanted to go to bed at 6pm.
      Gotta love the great outdoors though.

    12 October 2011:

    • 10:10pm: Lots of great work happening with the web site tool I'm building. 5 old "static" sites are now running under it. Page/content management should be coming over the next week and then the acid test really starts.
    • Also, a new site launched: www.smileloud.net. Not entirely sure where it's going to go but it should be fun.

    08 October 2011:

    • Still alive and kicking. Still writing draft posts as promised a few days ago. But also working really hard and getting a lot of good results, so I'm not really inclined to stop at the moment.
      It might just be possible that I'm going to end up with a rather groovy piece of software when this is all done. In fact, my web site (jsnelders.com) should be changing to use it in the next few days.

    05 October 2011:

    • 1pm: Posts may be a bit sporadic over the next 2-3 weeks. I'm working hard on the software I'm building and just spun up yet another side project. Writing is still happening and I've drafted two big posts, one about the current status of my not working/"lifestyle redesign" and the other with tips on increasing productivity Stay tuned.

    03 October 2011:

    29 September 2011:

    • Let's just say... don't try swinging a 20Kg Kettlebell or holding it over your head when you've had a few glasses of wine. It's not going to happen. ;-)
    • I've retracted a large number of posts on this site in preparation for new strategic directions. Apologies if what you are looking for is missing.

    29 September 2011:

    • Once again, proof that some people cannot even accept a simple act of human kindness. That, of course, is their right...
    • Absolutely fucking furious! I truly hope the outcome of the Andrew Bolt case sparks a lot of public debate.
    • I've read the original articles and every article I can find this morning about the Federal Court outcome...I don't mind saying I stand beside Andrew Bolt on this one. And he makes good points about unity. Personally, I think he's only said what a lot of people have been thinking for years. "Inflammatory", but that's *always* been the way people got the important matters noticed and discussed.Australia, "harden the fuck up"! People say things about us that we don't like all the time - that doesn't mean our first reaction should be to take them to court. If I'm not mistaken, the original idea was to get some "public debate" happening...

    28 September 2011:

    • Just had a quick peek at LinkedIn again. That site is now so full of crap it makes my head spin.
    • Spent the last few days doing a lot of software development - I forgot just how good at this I am. I think at the end of this I'm going to end up with a damn fine piece of software :-)

    25 September 2011:

    • I realised yesterday that, not only is cruelty to friends and those who love us sometimes tolerated, it is also legitimised and legally defended. What sort of a [Western] society do we live in?

    23 September 2011:

    • Overheard last night in the city: "Just be glad I don't hit you all the time." (Guys says to girl as going through front door of an establishment. Turns to us and punches his hands with a smile.)

    22 September 2011:

    • 8pm: A sad, melancholic, introspective day. But sometimes you need to have them.
    • 8pm: And bloody hay fever.

    21 September 2011:

    • Some days you realise who are friends and who were just acquaintances.

    19 September 2011:

    • What a bloody brilliant day not to be shackled to a desk or indoor job. Started this morning with a short 30Km ride in 40km/hr winds, then the rest of the day just wandering around the beach and city with a camera. Finished up sipping wine at my local cafe - fantastic!

    16 September 2011:

    • 1:50pm: Today is the 1 year anniversary of the first friendship loss/betrayal in my life. Farewell to the dead wood.

    14 September 2011:

    • 9:30pm: Finally, truly understand what is meant by some people not being worth it and how to "just walk away" from an ex-friend and feel comfortable with the whole situation.
      It is two days shy of 12 months since my life started to go topsy-turvy and I think I've finally settled comfortably with being able to reject people from my life.
    • Cruel irony: It sometimes has to take years to realise the years just spent on someone are not worth it.
    • Someone not being worth it is not the problem, it's the bloody time wasted on them that annoys me. Why do you think people work so hard to maintain relationships?

    12 September 2011:

    • 4:40pm: Four years of depression that almost ended in thoughts of suicide. I never thought I'd hear myself say that. It just goes to show how fragile we are.

    7 September 2011:

    • I might finally be getting the hang of photography. Going through my last beach shoot of birds from a few days ago and loving most of what I've got.

    4 September 2011:

    2 September 2011:

    • 9:30am: An excellent, albeit early, start to the day. In the CBD by 7:30 for a bit of post-dawn photography, then back to St. Kilda and a half-hour stroll along the beach in the morning sun. It's set to be a beautiful and warm day today, so more time in the sun is to be expected.A glorious day it is.

    1 September 2011:

    • 3:00pm: Not working in an office for someone else (i.e. being self-employed or, like me, on that path) is fantastic. I have absolute control of my time, which is an odd thing to think when the reality is I always had the choice and control of my time - it just seems like I relinquished most of it, as well as my freedom, when I worked for someone else. Today, I spent 3 hours wandering the Melbourne CBD and St. Kilda beach honing my photography skills. Lots of sun, perfect temperature and good music.Now, I'm about to head to a cafe with a good book ("What the Dog Saw" by Malcolm Gladwell) and have a couple of glasses of nice wine, before returning home and possibly spending a couple of hours (or not) working on my new website framework.
    • 3:20pm: A quick scan of some of the photos I took today and I think I might actually be start to get better at this. Stay tuned in coming weeks for the launch of a gallery site.

    30 August 2011:

    • After having found and listened (again and again - I'm addicted) to "The Great Dictator" ending speech, I find myself once again seeing things with greater compassion and clarity. I've also started writing lots of notes in "speech" form, with both the Hans Zimmer music and the eloquence of Charlie Chaplin playing in my mind as I write.

    29 August 2011:

    • 2:30pm: A glass of champagne to celebrate being alive.It was almost this time two months ago that I slumped to the lowest emotional point of my life - a point so low that I understood the thoughts and feelings that lead people to suicide.Less than six weeks later I was back to being happier and more energised than I have in over 4 years.That's worth a toast!

    26 August 2011:

    • I told my first little white fib in... decades, today. But I had to escape!

    24 August 2011:

    • 11:30am: Living the sweet life. Spent the last 3 hours wandering St. Kilda Beach taking photos of seagulls. Beautiful sun, light wind, not many people and awesome photographic subjects. Beats the heck out of a day job in the office.
    • 7:00pm: I believe they call my current state, "as happy as a pig in shit". Life could not be better and there ain't a hope in Hell you'll be wiping the smile off this dial any time soon.

    19 August 2011:

    • I bought a Canon EF 100-400mm f/4.5-5.6L IS USM Telephoto zoom lens today. And here's what I just posted on Facebook:
      "Day 1 of owning a Canon EF 100-400mm f/4.5-5.6L IS Telephoto zoom lens: The obvious - you *don't* use it for hand shots! My arms ache, my hands ache, my neck aches and the photos are *nowhere near* tack sharp...But it is fun to see everyone look your way as you wander down the beach with a fully extended 400mm lens hanging off your shoulder :-) You don't need to be a pro to look like one."

    18 August 2011:

    • Had to say a teary farewell at the airport this morning to my friend, Jen.

    16 August 2011:

    • Back in Melbourne from Cairns, Queensland and missing it. As with all trips, it wasn't long enough - but I discovered a whole new part of the country and a new world of amazing atmosphere and colour.
    • As of tomorrow I'm going to stop eating, stop drinking and start working (for myself) again.
    • I'm going to try and kick the photography up a notch.
    • I think I've settled on a new occupation description: just "Self Employed".
    • A wonderful friend, Jen, is flying back home to the U.S. after almost a year in Australia. It will be a sad departure.

    09 August 2011:

    • Off to Queensland tomorrow morning for 5 days.

    06 August 2011:

    • I realised a few days ago the friendship I thought I lost was never a friendship to begin with. That equates to three and a half years of care and affection wasted on nothing.
  • 27 Jun 2011
    • Haven't slept well in weeks and getting worse. The upcoming court hearing and charges are weighing heavily.
    • Finishing my current work contract on 08 July. I want to take a few months off to "get away from it all", reset and get myself sorted out.
    • After 10 years, I've decided to try and get out of the corporate I.T. game altogether.
    • I'm planning to take as much of the rest of 2011 off from full-time work (from July onwards).
    • Developing an extensive body of core software that will drive at least 4 web sites currently in the works (and hopefully many more to come). Aiming to start my own business from this.